Momfession #34: Father’s Day

So Father’s Day was a few days ago, and although we typically ignore most “fake” holidays, save for the standard breakfast-in-bed and homemade card rituals that we perform mostly for the kids’ sake, this one got me thinking. Maybe it was the fact that my husband and I are coming off of a pretty difficult year- having dealt with some hefty family, financial, and professional challenges that have tested our nerves and relationship to the max, and things are finally (fingers crossed) starting to turn around. Or perhaps it was because my typically introverted, non-reality-TV- loving husband recently agreed to participate in a real estate show with me because it is something I have always wanted to do (keep your TVs tuned to HGTV this fall to check out our debut into stardom!). Whatever the reason, I started waxing fondly about my husband as Dad.

I met Mike almost six years ago during a baseball tournament. It didn’t take me long to decide that he was for me: he was good-looking, kind (he held an umbrella over my head in a hurricane… I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried, people), and a good baseball player; what more did I need?! But then, I learned he was a dad. And that’s when I realized he was a keeper. A lot of people were surprised to hear how easily I made the decision to “take on” the challenge of getting involved with a man who was single-handedly raising a toddler. But I didn’t see it that way at all. Actually, here’s the momfession…the fact that he was a father was one of the reasons why I chose to be with him. I was lucky enough to see first hand what kind of father he’d be, because he was already doing it every day. Most people hope that their spouse will be a good parent, but you never really know how things will be until you become one. On the day we met, I saw my future husband’s eyes light up when he talked about his son. I saw the look of pride on his face when he showed me the photo of the beautiful little boy that he carried in his wallet. I saw the joy that he took in being a father. And I knew that he was the father I wanted for my children.

Sometimes I wonder what life will be like when our kids are grown up and gone. After all, Mike and I have never been alonewe have never known life as a couple together without children around. What if we don’t have anything in common once they’ve left? What if we realize that we really don’t know each other at all? But, I think that is something that a lot of couples go through, whether they spent years together before having kids or not.

In our case, there is a good chance that we will have to reinvent our relationship once the kids are all grown up. But even if it turns out that we don’t know each other as well as we thought, I know for certain that we will have at least one thing in common: a lifetime of amazing memories raising beautiful children together. And really, who could ask for anything better than that?

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Momfession #33: Boy bling

Last night, while finishing our dinner, our seven-year-old son casually asked if he could get his ears pierced. And without missing a beat, I replied, “maybe when you’re older.” But then I turned and looked at my almost two-and-a-half-year-old daughter sitting across the table, fingering her own pretty little earrings and I started feeling guilty. If I am the non-gender biased mom that I claim to be, why can’t my son get his ears pierced now? Why the double standard of allowing a two-year-old girl the freedom to make the choice but not her older brother? Personally, I don’t have a huge issue with him getting his ears pierced now if he wants; perhaps it is more the judgement that I know both he and I will face if we allow it. Teachers will undoubtedly assume that we are irresponsible parents for letting him get his ears pierced. Other parents will likely judge the appropriateness of our decision. Some classmates may even tease him for his new bling. But why should worrying about what others might think stop us from providing our children with equal opportunities and not restrict them to the gender roles that society assigns? It is a good question, and one that needs to be considered. For now, our son has waned a bit in his desire to get his ears pierced; once he found out that it hurts “more than a shot” he began to reconsider. But we need to be prepared for the day when he asks again, and when that day comes, I am honestly not sure what we’ll say.